I’m feeling a little bit of mixed emotions:
My issue is, I have a friend who I believe I find interesting and I like them as a friend but for some reason, the thought of hanging out with this person makes me want to jump off the bridge.
In one direction, I WANT to hang out. I want to do the things she invites me to do and I want us to be close. But when I think about hanging out, all I want to do is make up a reason for why I can’t. I literally have all the time in the world to hang but for some reason, I just don’t want to. Yet, I do.
I find myself asking her if we can postpone to a later date, hoping that she’ll just say she’s busy that day and we never have to discuss it again.
I know the problem lies within me. I’m not sure why I feel this way and why I both want to hang and do things and not hang and not deal with her.
It’s not HER as much as it is the “I have plans that I have to stick to and I don’t like plans.” I’m more a spur of the moment kind of girl when it comes to hanging out. I don’t want to feel obligated to hang. I don’t like “we are hanging out on Sunday at 4pm” kind of thing. I’d much rather casually run into a friend and just walk for coffee or for a quick window shop on an unplanned, cool, sunny afternoon.
I feel bad because I always flake on her. I make plans and then I ask to change the date or “lemme know sometime in the future.” When really, I’m hoping she never invites me out again. Yet, I DO want the invite.
Maybe it’s what she wants to do that makes me not want to do things. But this time the plan was to go shopping in Times Square. I love going to Times Square since it’s only a few stops on the train from my home. I think the part that bothers me about this adventure is she wants to go shopping. I spent $600 yesterday shopping by myself. I don’t want to go and WATCH her shop. I feel like I’d be following her around stores watching her look at things and helping her decide what she wants to buy. Where’s the fun in that? Maybe, if she had asked me to go shopping with her just a day prior, we could have gone shopping together.
Also, she aways wants to do things that require money. After the $600, I don’t have any more money to spend right now. And it’s always “let’s hang on a Sunday or Monday.” I don’t want to hang on Sunday or Monday. I’m a Friday- Saturday kind of girl. But of course she always has plans on those nights with her good and exciting friends, where they do a lot more interesting things than watch each other spend money.
I offered to hang with her Friday after work and we could grab dinner. She laughed in my face and said ” LOL I knew this would happen. Sorry, have plans.”
I mean, that made me feel like shit. She KNEW this would happen? I mean, yea, this is normal behavior for me, to bail but I only bail because she never wants to hang with me on a normal day or time.
I guess I’m her go-to when no one else wants to watch her shop.
I don’t blame her for reacting like that, I knew I was going to bail as I agreed to the date just as she did.
I just don’t believe she already has plans for friday. She’s just keeping herself free because she knows I’ll bail … even on Friday.